Monday, June 4, 2012

Define "Interesting"

I’m really thrilled to get to present an award at the RWA’s Award Ceremony at the National Conference in July.  It's kind of a big deal. Everyone wears fancy dress, there are multi-media presentations and jumbo screens and teleprompters. (Then there’s the RITA award itself, which is quite beautiful. Mine lives on my desk next to my action figures.)

Me and RITA in 2009
In a way, being a presenter is even better than being an award finalist, because you get to have all the fun of dressing up without the stress. But there's this voice over that happens while you’re walking to the podium, and it says things like “New York Times bestselling author of 150 books” or whatever.

My intro doesn’t say that. It says some cool things about awards and how much librarians like me and stuff.  But not that.

When I was filling out the form about it WOULD say, the last question is “Can you tell us something interesting about yourself that we might put in your introduction?”

Which is a conundrum.

What, exactly, would other people consider interesting?  I can quote 90% of the libretto of Gilbert and Sullivan operettas, and sing at least five of them. Is this what they mean?

Pink, purple and green are my favorite colors. I love dogs and also otters and foxes. I’m sort of obsessed with Russell Crowe when he’s in fighting trim and kinda even when he isn’t. I won’t sit in a seat that’s warm from someone else’s body heat and I hate my food to touch.

Which doesn’t even factor in this: What is interesting about me... that I would want people to know.

So I asked my assistant what was interesting about me. There followed a text exchange of escalating ridiculousness.

Here’s what we came up with. Some of these may even be true.

Rosemary Clement-Moore is...

  • An acclaimed beekeeper and, on a related note, bear wrestler.
  • Guilty of stealing JK Rowling’s seat on an airplane.
  • Living in a half completed Skull Mountain Fortress.
  • Currently building a replica of Easter Island in her backyard.
  • The bass guitarist in world renowned garage band Chain Mail Bikini, formerly known as Teenage Mutant Musketeer.
  • Understudy to a Tina Fey impersonator.
  • Perfecting her archer skills to prepare for the the Dystopian future.


Add your own ideas in the comments. Points for creativity and absurdity. If you make me snort coffee through my nose, you win a prize.

17 comments:

  1. Silver medalist in Coffee Snorting, Beijing 2008
    Gold medalist* in Cocoa Snorting, Vancouver 2010

    (*Note: Cocoa Snorting was added to the winter olympics in 2006 as a demonstration sport, and will not be a full-fledged event until 2014. The Swiss were heavily favored coming into 2010 after their command performance in 2006, but faltered when the IOC switched to an 85% dark chocolate blend, while the Swiss were still training on the milk chocolates used previously. Commenting on her surprise victory, Ms. Clement-Moore said, "Heck, I've been using baker's chocolate!")

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    1. Hee. Points for the sports commentary and attention to detail.

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    2. Aw, man, and here I was betting on the Belgians. Thought they could beat out the Swiss...

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  2. I just entered the world of RWA and hear the national conference is quite a feat to behold (the 9th wonder of the world, in fact). Maybe some day I'll go. Quite an honor to be among so much talent, I'm sure you'll do great!

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    1. The RWA can be very useful, especially if you have a good local chapter or participate in one of the good online special interest chapters. I've found great support and information. :-)

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  3. She can tweet more than 140 characters.

    Ghosts sit around the campfire to tell Rosemary stories.

    She once dangled a participle off the Empire State Building.

    She is Rosemary Clement-Moore... the Most Interesting Woman in the World.

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  4. Congratulations on being a presenter, Rosemary! Can't wait to see you again!

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    1. Ditto that! We're in your stomping grounds this year. :D

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  5. Inventor (and client) of the SPANX DANCE.

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    1. Oh, I have got to add that one to the list. That's for real. I practice all the time.

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    2. I know I "credit" you whenever I think/go through it.

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  6. Met the winner of the 2011 Grumpiest Man Alive Awards. Made him laugh with only five words and a pincushion. Can't tell you how, though, without endangering an entire subcontinent.

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    1. Awesome. I would like to think I could do that. I have a friend named Kate who has perfected the Stoic Face of Doom and I spend way too much energy trying to get her to crack a smile.

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    2. I'm not grumpy. I'm pondering.

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  7. Rosemary Clement-Moore made the beautiful dress she wore to accept her RITA, and she was wearing fake hair.

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    1. That is all true. hohum. (I already bought my dress this year. The advantage of after-Prom sales.)

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